After a rough day, sometimes it feels good to talk about your frustrations with someone else. Venting is a term that can be used to describe the release of difficult feelings by talking about them to another person. Whether this is beneficial or not can depend on several factors. At Cottonwood in Tucson, Arizona, we help our patients build healthy coping skills that can make their lives happier and more productive, so we think it’s important to know how to use tools like venting in a way that promotes well-being.
Choosing a Listener
When you need to talk about something that created unpleasant emotions for you, who you’re speaking to matters. If the person is inattentive, dismissive of your feelings or if they get you more worked up than you already were, then they might not be the right person to talk to. The ideal listener:
- Cares about you
- Is patient
- Expresses empathy
Vent With Care
Your mom, your bestie, and your significant other may love you immensely, but if you are venting frequently to one person or you spend prolonged periods of time ranting, they may become overwhelmed by the frequency or duration of your sharing. This can test their patience and empathy and put a strain on the relationship over time.
It also isn’t good for you to spend too much time dwelling on the same frustrating topic or talking about it to numerous different people, even if they are willing to listen. Obsessively thinking about the same unpleasant thing is called ruminating, and it’s not good for your mental health.
Giving Your Listener Options
It may feel strange to ask someone for permission to vent, but allowing them to tell you when and if they are ready to listen can ensure a more productive dialogue. Ask, and be willing to accept the answer. It might just be that making yourself wait to vent will give you the time you need to process your emotions on your own.
Also be aware of why you want to vent to someone. If your goal is not to ultimately work through the emotions and find a healthy solution, your venting will just exhaust both you and your listener.
Balancing Negative and Positive
While there is nothing wrong with acknowledging and discussing difficult topics, it can also be beneficial to look for reasons to be grateful and to celebrate successes. This can help you to feel better about your experiences and may also make it easier for a listener to feel good about talking to you. They can see that you’re willing to look objectively at your situation after you’re finished expressing your emotional reaction. Following up with some deep breathing, meditation, or other stress-relieving activity can also be helpful.
Other Ways to Manage Stress
If you find yourself venting often, and it does not feel like you’re getting much out of it, or if you don’t feel like you have people available to listen, you might consider trying some other ways to manage your stress, such as:
- Exercise – this can be as vigorous as you choose, but increasing your activity can improve the flow of oxygen to your brain and allow it to create more “feel good” chemicals to balance out the difficult feelings.
- Journaling – tracking daily feelings and experiences can help to identify patterns that might otherwise go unnoticed, as well as highlight growth over time.
- Art – sometimes it’s easier to express something visually than it is to find the words to talk or write about it.
- Time in nature – gardening, hiking, interacting with animals, star gazing, and incorporating natural materials into art projects can all be relaxing.
- Hobbies – peace, feelings of accomplishment, and happiness can all be gained from engaging in activities you enjoy.
- Music – singing, playing an instrument, or listening to your favorite playlist are all ways you can utilize music to improve your sense of well-being.
Getting Professional Support
If the problem is big or ongoing, like trauma or chronic life struggles, it might be better to seek out a mental health clinician who is trained to help people through challenges than to rely on your friends and family members alone. It is probably time to see a therapist if:
- The issue is making it difficult or impossible for you to do the daily activities you need or want to complete
- The problem has been or is going to be something you deal with for a while
- You are not working, eating, or sleeping as you should
- You’re struggling to find joy in life
- The people you could talk to are involved in the problem in a way that prevents them from offering good support
At Cottonwood, we offer residential and outpatient services for patients who are struggling with addictions or mental health diagnoses. We believe in taking a whole-person approach and including our patients’ support systems whenever possible.
