Many people who have experienced addiction and mental health concerns have learned to see themselves through very harsh and unforgiving eyes. At Cottonwood, in Tucson, Arizona, we teach our patients how to be kind to themselves as they heal and recover from behavioral health concerns.
Developing Self-Compassion and Extending Yourself Grace
It can feel very foreign to treat yourself with kindness, empathy, and love when you’re not used to doing so. Self-compassion can manifest in several different ways, such as:
- Shutting down negative self-talk and replacing it with words of affirmation
- Giving yourself grace when you make a mistake
- Prioritizing self-care needs
- Allowing yourself to have emotions without judgement for those emotions
When you were at your very lowest point, you probably did some things you now wish you could do differently. You cannot change the past, but by understanding how you got to that point and changing how you move forward, you can reduce the odds that anything like that will happen again. You made mistakes, but mistakes don’t make people bad or undeserving of love and compassion.
How Self-Compassion Promotes Recovery
There is nothing wrong with wanting to do and be your best, but if you feel intense shame any time you fall short of perfection, it can actually place your mental health or substance use recovery at risk. It is important to cultivate a mindset that strives for excellence, while also allowing for human error and the ability to learn from mistakes.
You may find it helpful to imagine that you are counseling a beloved friend or family member through something and tell yourself the things you would tell them if they were in your situation, such as:
- You’re only human.
- It’s okay to make mistakes.
- You did the best you could.
- You learned something important from that experience.
- It’s okay to be afraid.
- It was really scary, but you still tried and I am proud of you.
- It does not have to be perfect every time. Sometimes good enough is good enough.
- You don’t have to earn the right to rest.
How Self-Care Is Self-Compassion
Celebrities love to use “self-care” as a hashtag for luxurious indulgence. In reality, self-care is anything you do for yourself that helps you to promote and maintain health and wellbeing. It includes unglamorous activities like:
- Going to your appointments
- Taking your medications
- Going outside
- Getting enough sleep
- Moving your body
- Eating a well-balanced diet
- Staying hydrated
- Using coping skills to manage stress
- Spending time with your favorite people
- Having a tidy living space
- Making time for hobbies
- Limiting the time you spend on screens and especially social media
It’s easier to be at your best, if you’re getting your basic needs met. You wouldn’t expect your car to run without fuel, so you should expect your mind and body to run without having what they need. Give yourself what you need, before you start making big demands of yourself.
At Cottonwood, we want our patients to recognize that the ability to forgive themselves when they make a mistake and continue to move forward, is what will allow them to succeed on their recovery journey. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about getting back up after you fall.
