If you have faced addiction, you may have looked around and realized that people who were in your corner before you were using were no longer in your life, as you struggled to get sober. Now that you’re entering recovery, you may be looking to cut ties with people who used with you or who don’t support your sobriety. It can look lonely and scary, as you consider who makes up your network of support during early recovery. At Cottonwood, in Tucson, Arizona, we want our clients to rebuild support systems that will give them the best chances of having sustained recovery, long into the future.
Loneliness in Recovery
There might be times when you are lonely in recovery or when you are afraid that you will struggle to find people who will accept the sober version of you, but it is important to remember why you don’t want certain people in your life, for example, anyone who:
- May encourage you to relapse
- Refuses to admit that you’re getting sober
- Says things to make you feel bad about getting sober
- Tries to shame you for choices you’ve already made amends for doing
- Only wants to interact with you if you’re drinking or getting high
- Refuses to let you grow and change
Alternatives to Loneliness
Everyone knows that loneliness is bad for sobriety, so if that’s not a good option, what else can you do? There are many options to consider.
- Learn to embrace solitude. Kelly Clarkson famously said, “Doesn’t mean I’m lonely, when I’m alone.” You can fill your time with things that help you to grow into the person you want to be. For example, take up a solo hobby, read a recovery book, read for fun, turn up some music, or engage in a meaningful spiritual practice.
- Lean on your peers. Having strong sober support from people who know what you’re facing is a priceless resource. You can get a sponsor, go to some extra recovery meetings, whether it’s AA, NA, Celebrate Recovery, Smart Recovery, or something else, participate in sober events outside of meetings, or join a support group
- Talk to a professional such as a therapist, a treatment counselor, or your spiritual advisor
- Use your interests to connect. For example: find a gym, take a class, join a team, get outside, start a book club, volunteer, host a game night, or meet people through your faith community
- Rekindle old connections, but proceed with caution on this one, as there may be amends that need to occur first in some cases, but you may find that the friends and family who were not around when you were in active addiction are more than happy to spend time with you again, once you have some recovery time under your belt. Take it slow, however, as you may realize that just because you made some good memories with a person in the past and they want to spend time with you now, it may not mean that they are good for your recovery.
Avoiding Romance
One piece of advice that is frequently given (and ignored) in the recovery community is to avoid starting a new romantic relationship during the first year of recovery. This makes a lot of sense, since:
- Relationships can distract from your sobriety
- You’re still unlearning deeply ingrained patterns and behaviors that did not serve you
- You’re still figuring out who the new you is going to be and what your priorities are
- If you’re with someone who is also new to recovery, they may not be ready to be a good partner yet
- If one of you relapses, you could take the other one down with you
- If you break up, that could place your recovery at risk
At Cottonwood, we address not only the physical components of addiction, such as withdrawal, but also the psychological and emotional aspects. We know that holistic care is key to long-term recovery. Whether you’re battling addiction to alcohol or another substance, fighting a process addiction, or supporting a loved one who is struggling, we are here to help.
