When people learn that you are in recovery from mental illness or addiction, they might have a lot of questions. How you choose to respond is entirely up to you, but at Cottonwood in Tucson, Arizona, we want to give you some ideas about ways you could choose to manage such questions.
There are different reasons why someone might want to know about your recovery journey:
- They care about you. Family and friends may care deeply and genuinely want information they can utilize to support you.
- They are struggling. They want to know what has worked to help other people with similar problems. Often, we meet people with these motives at support groups and recovery meetings, but we might also meet them in our everyday lives.
- They are trying to get to know you. More information will help them to decide whether or not the two of you can or should build a closer relationship.
- They’re just curious. They are asking invasive questions that aren’t really any of their business.
Why You Might Not Want to Share
Your recovery story is personal, and no one is entitled to hear it. You don’t have to share information with people who are just being nosey, who you don’t trust to keep your information confidential, or who are likely to respond in a way that is not helpful to you. If someone falls into this category, you might respond by saying:
- “That’s an interesting question. Why do you ask?”
- “That’s a very personal matter, and I don’t wish to discuss it with you.”
- “We don’t know each other well enough for me to share that information with you.”
- “I am not ready to talk about my recovery journey at this time.”
- “I am sure that NAMI, Mental Health America, or some other online tool will have an answer to your question.”
- “When I have shared information with you in the past, you used it to gossip about me, and that was very hurtful. I will not be sharing information with you at this time.”
- “Your prior responses to information about my struggles have not been helpful, so I won’t be discussing my recovery with you.”
- “I don’t drink anymore. I feel better now.” A minimal answer like this can provide very basic information, without too much detail.
Why You Might Choose to Share
You might decide that you are willing to answer their questions about how you struggled, what helped you recover, times you may have slipped since you started getting better, and what things you’re still figuring out about managing your condition, if the person you are talking to is:
- Someone you trust
- Likely to respond with empathy and compassion
- A person who might benefit from hearing what you have to say
- Someone you want to build a closer relationship with
Do I Need to Tell My Boss?
You are not legally required to inform your employer if you have struggled with mental illness or addiction. Just like other information related to your health, it’s a private matter, and they are not entitled to know. On the other hand:
- They may already know or suspect. There may be signs that a perceptive employer will notice on their own, such as needing to take FMLA for treatment, never drinking alcohol, or having a weekly appointment that impacts your availability on a certain day of the week. Also, mental health concerns and addiction are pretty common, and chances are that they may have had other employees with behavioral health concerns. They may have family or friends in recovery or be in recovery themselves, so they may be more in tune with the situation than you would expect.
- You might want to tell them. If you have a supportive, understanding boss who will ensure that you receive needed accommodations, you may feel comfortable talking to them about your recovery journey and asking for help from them.
- You may need to tell them. There may be employee benefits available to you that can support your recovery goals, so you might need to at least talk to HR about how to access those. If you’re taking time off to go to treatment in the future, you may also have to share at least the fact that you have a health issue to manage, in order to qualify for FMLA, even if you don’t share full details.
Romance and Recovery Revelations
If you’re trying to start an intimate relationship with someone new, you might also need to consider how and when to talk to them about your recovery journey. This can be a tough choice to make and might require you to weigh the costs and benefits of different options:
- Before the first date. Many couples today meet online, and you might find that the conversation naturally lends itself to talking about your recovery from mental illness or addiction. You may worry, however, that too much information too soon will kill the connection. The other side of this is that it might help to screen out people who would not be supportive.
- On the first date. This option may give you a chance to make a positive first impression before you delve into deeper topics. It may also allow you to decide if you even want to get to know the person well enough to share private information with them.
- After the first date. You could choose to talk to the person about your recovery after the first date has concluded and you are both back in separate spaces. This will give the person a chance to process their feelings and ask questions before agreeing to a second date.
At Cottonwood, we support our patients’ right to decide how and when they share the story of their recovery with the people they encounter. Our residential and outpatient treatment programs are centered on the whole person and building a comprehensive plan that will facilitate wellness and healing in all parts of their life.
